The Legal Genealogist’s Christmas Wish 2013

Merry Christmas!

From The Legal Genealogist to all those who have so enriched my life in 2013… I wish you the merriest of Christmases!


Disclaimer

Terms and conditions may apply. Timely delivery of wishes from this server through the Internet is not guaranteed. This wish does not constitute a legal contract between The Legal Genealogist and any person or entity unless otherwise specified. Subject to change without prior notice. Although every reasonable effort is made to present current and accurate wishes, the wish-maker makes no guarantees of any kind. In no event shall The Legal Genealogist be responsible or liable, directly or indirectly, for any damage or loss caused or alleged to be caused by or in connection with the use of or reliance on any wish.

The views and opinions expressed in this wish may not necessarily represent the opinions, beliefs, or positions of The Legal Genealogist, its owner, employees, or cats (who own the owner) and do not reflect the official policy or position of any agency of the U.S. government (or any other government, for that matter). This wish is only an example and is based only on very limited and dated open source information.

This wish is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you have received this wish in error please notify the system manager. If you are not the named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this wish and you should delete this wish from your system.

All wishes are valid for 30 days following the date of email transmission. The Legal Genealogist accepts no liability for the content of this wish, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the wish, unless that wish is subsequently confirmed in writing.

The foregoing wish is not legal advice. The wish-maker expressly disclaims any warranties, whether express or implied, to the fullest extent of the law. Void where prohibited. Not enforceable in any court of law in the United States or elsewhere. May not be resold.

Any links to external websites are provided as a courtesy. They should not be construed as an endorsement of the content or views of the linked materials.

Actual message may differ from illustrations on pages. All rights reserved. All screen images are simulated. Allergic reactions may include hives, difficulty breathing, wheezing and rash. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. American bills are acceptable. Any judgments you make will be based on the information you have provided you about yourself, which is probably vague, incomplete or embellished. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Wish does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, tomatoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).

This wish may contain flashing lights which may potentially trigger seizures in people with photosensitive epilepsy, who may experience seizures while watching some kinds of television pictures or reading alarming legal explanations. People who have not had any previous seizures may nonetheless have an undetected epileptic condition.

Apply only to affected area. Approved for veterans. Article is provided “as is” without any warrantees. At participating locations only. Avoid contact with eyes and prolonged or repeated contact with skin. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.

Batteries not included. Beware of dog. Booths for two or more. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Call toll free number before digging. Caution, wide turns. Caveat emptor. Caveat venditor too. Check here if tax deductible. Close cover before striking. Colors may fade. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Contents may settle during shipment.

Dealer participation may affect actual wish. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Do not breathe vapors. Do not disturb. Do not drive after reading. Do Not Feed The Animals. Do not immerse in water. Do not place head through towel loop. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit and below 49 degrees Centigrade. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Do not run with scissors. Do not stamp. Do not store or use near heat, sparks or open flame. Do not try this wish at home. Do not use in an area where moisture is present. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Do not write below this line. Documents are provided “as is” without any warranties expressed or implied. Door must remain unlocked during business hours. Driver does not carry cash. Drop in any mailbox.

Enter at your own risk. Falling rock. First pull up, then pull down. For a limited time only. For best results process promptly. For educational purposes only. For external use only. For off-road use only. For office use only. For recreational use only. For topical use only; do not take internally. Freshest if eaten before date on carton.

Wish-maker does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Harbormaster must approve all dockage. Harmful if swallowed. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk. If blurred vision occurs, flush eyes with water. If condition persists, consult your physician. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If you are not the intended recipient, do not read. Ignorance is no excuse. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.

Just add water. Keep away from fire or flames. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and really really small children. Keep children with you. Keep cool; process promptly. Keep right except to pass. Limit one-per-family please. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. List at least two alternate dates. Wish was current at time of printing. Ask for senior discount. Lost ticket pays maximum rate.

May be too intense for some viewers. May conduct electricity; never place directly on electrical equipment. May contain peanuts or milk products. Must be 18 to enter. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. No American coins. No animals were harmed in the production of these documents. No artificial flavor, MSG or coloring added. No Canadian coins. No lifeguard on duty. No money down. No passes. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. No postage necessary if mailed to a Canadian Member of Parliament. No preservatives added. No purchase necessary. No refunds without receipt. No right turn on red. No shoes, no shirt, no service. No solicitors. No standard monitoring is required. No substitutions allowed. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Not liable for damages due to use or misuse. Not recommended for children. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from wish.

Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. One half hour earlier in Newfoundland. One size fits all. Open other end. Other copyright laws for specific entries apply wherever noted. Other restrictions may apply. Package sold by weight, not volume. Past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money. Penalty for private use. Place stamp here. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Please step to the rear of the elevator. Poetry not accepted. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Post office will not deliver without postage. Prerecorded for this time zone. Price does not include taxes. Privacy Notice: The contents herein are intended solely for the intended recipient. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Processed in a facility where nuts are present. Professional wish-maker used in simulation.

Quantities are limited, while supplies last. Read at your own risk. Reader assumes full responsibility. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Recording prohibited. Replace with same type. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Restaurant package, not for resale. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sanitized for your protection. Santa Claus is keeping a list. Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken. See label for sequence. Shading within a garment may occur. Shock hazard. Shut off motor – No Smoking. Simulated picture. Slightly enlarged to show detail. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Slippery when wet. Small parts may present a choking hazard. Some assembly required. Some equipment shown is optional. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Stop, drop and roll. Subject to change without notice. Subject to Customer Agreement and credit approval. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.

Terms are subject to change without notice. That dog won’t hunt. This wish is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. This is not an offer to sell securities. This is only a test. This offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted, which includes 98% of Canada. This product is meant for educational purposes only. This supersedes all previous notices. Times approximate. Traffic fines doubled in construction zones.

Use only as directed. Use only in a well-ventilated area. User assumes full liabilities. Wear protective eyewear when using. You may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it. You must be present to win. You must be this tall to enter this ride. You need not be present to win. Your canceled check is your receipt.

This wish does not constitute or function as legal, medical, psychiatric, veterinary, gynecological, archaeological, astronomical, astrological, ontological, paleontological, philosophical, axiological, audiological, bacteriological, mineralogical, criminological, terminological, dermatological, ecclesiastical, campanological, phrenological, phonological, technological, hematological, campanological, neurological, psychobiological, urological, ufological, typological, mythological, hydrological, xylological, zoological, logical or any other kind of professional advice.

If you require a professional wish, please contact your local bar association, law society, neighborhood association of jurists, medical board, county hospital, phone book, online directory, local emergency number in your jurisdiction, mother or Google to find a or obtain a referral to a competent professional. If you do not have reasonable means of contacting an attorney-at-law, lawyer, civil law notary, barrister, solicitor, medical professional, coroner or any other professional in the area of your inquiry, meaning you are an orphaned, computer-illiterate social hazard, please exit this wish and get your life in order.

And, of course, your mileage may vary.

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22 Responses to The Legal Genealogist’s Christmas Wish 2013

  1. Tim Campbell says:

    It took quite awhile to read this post: I couldn’t stop laughing after the second paragraph. But yes, I have read the whole article only to find there’s nothing to click before claiming said wish :)

    So, I wish, I wish, I wish for Judy to have abundant health, happiness and subject matter so that we may all look forward to another wonderful year of The Legal Genealogist blog!

  2. Donna Brown says:

    If the laughter already provided by this wish (with terms and conditions) is any indication of its value, I’m in for a very Merry Christmas. May the wisher also have a blessed and Merry Christmas!

  3. Mary Ann Thurmond says:

    I wish the best of Christmas experiences to my cousin, Judy, who writes this “stuff” (no, that’s not the legal term), and to all of her millions (this number may not be completely accurate, and/or may change over time)family members to whom I may be related! Have the very best day and my wishes continue into the New Year—2014!!!
    Cheers, (works best with a glass of something delicious in your hand, but retains the same meaning without accoutrement)
    Mary Ann

  4. Douglas Burnett says:

    I Luv It! Can only imagine how much time went into that. Merry Christmas Judy and have a great new year. Looking forward to seeing you in Lakeland FL in April.

  5. Bobbie Christensen says:

    Following your exhortations that we should always read the “terms and conditions”, I did, giggling all the way. Thanks for the gift of laughter today, and the gift of knowledge all year through. It must have taken quite a while to round up all the items in your post. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

  6. pat kinzie says:

    I have so enjoyed reading your Christmas wish lists & warranties this year! You are my favorite blogger all year round!
    Pat
    California

  7. Paula Williams says:

    Goofball. (Love it!)

  8. Chuck Goehrig says:

    Judy, You outdid yourself this year. It took me a while but I finally realized that in the middle of the disclaimer everything was in alphabetical order of the first letter of the first word of the sentence. You must have been collecting these for a long time. Absolutely love your (warped) sense of humor. Looking forward to seeing you in Lakeland, FL in April at the Imperial Polk Genealogical Society seminar. GO RU!!

  9. You, my dear, are a nut. Merry Christmas!

  10. I really do know what it took to put that together. That is a gem. You deserve every bit of praise you get. Thanks for the time and effort.

  11. Kevin E. Shue says:

    If there ever was an ironclad Christmas Wish against tort, this is it! I love it!
    Thanks for the laugh, Judy. May I apply the “terms and conditions,” to my New Year’s wish, as well? :)

    • Judy G. Russell says:

      Thanks, Kevin, and of course it can apply to a New Year’s wish! We’ll have to see if we can come up with a few new ones for 2014!

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