Ask, don’t just take
It was one of those obituaries that a genealogist just loves to read.
“I was born,” it began. “I blinked and it was over.”
Beautifully written by Emily DeBrayda Fisher Phillips, who died in Florida in 2015 just 28 days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer,1 this obituary was called to the attention of The Legal Genealogist yesterday by Emily’s daughter.2
It’s warm, it’s witty, it’s what we all hope we might think to say if we too were facing our own mortality just a heartbeat away.
It was a gift from Emily to her family and friends, written the day she was diagnosed, and published when she lost that terrible last battle with cancer.
And it’s been stolen.
Over and over, the words have been robbed from Emily DeBrayda Fisher Phillips and her family.
Stolen by people who didn’t say where the words came from.
Stolen by some in a moment of their own grief when, perhaps, they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong.
Stolen by others who should have known better.
Stolen sometimes with the best of intentions.
But stolen nonetheless.
Robbed from the dead, and from her family, in violation of every ethical and legal rule.3
We can wrap it up in fancy words, like plagiarism: “the act of using another person’s words or ideas without giving credit to that person.”4 And it is surely that when we make no effort to credit the person who penned the words in the first place.
Or we could term it copyright infringement : “The unauthorized use of a work that violates the owners’ copyrights (their rights to exclusive use of the work).”5 And that’s what it is when we take someone else’s legally-protected work — words or photos or video or audio recording — without getting their permission or, in this case, the permission of those who inherited the copyright.
But to put it bluntly, what we’re talking about here is theft — in this case robbing from the dead — and it’s wrong.
Emily’s family is handling this in a classy way. They’ve put up a website where they remind people that:
We understand that in times of grief, folks may struggle to find the perfect words to celebrate their loved one. We get it. We really do.
But every person has value. Every person has a story. An obituary, whether self-penned or written by a family member or perhaps written by a funeral home staffer, is a final love letter to loved ones. Rather than plagiarizing this one, please instead use it as inspiration for your family’s needs. Honor and remember your loved ones for the special person that they were. Emily would want that.6
And if any of us really really want to borrow some of Emily’s words, the family has a classy way of handling that too: they have a contact button on the website where we can send a message with our request.
And, they promise, “We will provide detailed instructions on how to properly give attribution and provide written permission to you/your family to use the portions you’ve requested.”7
In this as in all cases of using the original works of another person, we’re free to ask, but not simply to take.
Doing anything less in this case is robbing from the dead.
SOURCES
- See Jim Schoettler, “‘I was born; I blinked; and it was over,’ Orange Park woman writes in own obituary,” Jacksonville Times, posted 1 Apr 2015 (http://www.jacksonville.com/ : accessed 10 May 2018). ↩
- Bonnie Phillips Upright, comment to “Copyright and the obit,” The Legal Genealogist, posted 12 Sep 2012 (https://www.legalgenealogist.com/blog : accessed 10 May 2018). ↩
- See World’s Best Obituary (https://www.bestobituary.com/ : accessed 10 May 2018). ↩
- Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary (http://www.m-w.com : accessed 10 May 2018), “plagiarism.” ↩
- Wex, Legal Information Institute, Cornell Law School (http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex : accessed 10 May 2018), “infringement (of copyright).” ↩
- World’s Best Obituary (https://www.bestobituary.com/ : accessed 10 May 2018). ↩
- Ibid. ↩
This beautiful obituary is so personal that I am at a loss to how it could be used by others. I suppose that other names, dates and events are substituted? If so, when does it stop being plagiarized and become anther obituary altogether albeit, with the same idea, a personal memory of a Life? I am sorry that it has happened. Perhaps the lady herself is looking down and smiling at the fuss, at the stealing of her life. Perhaps she is flattered and happy that she could be such an inspiration to others. Perhaps her own death has inspired those who grieve and cannot find the words to express their loss. I now feel the urge to write my own obit. I am the last of my small family. I had one brother who died at birth. Only my parents and I remained for many years until, now, both parents are gone and I am almost alone. I have many cousins. All of them live hundreds of miles from me and most likely will not be here when I die. There will be no one to write my obituary unless I, also, write it myself. Even then, others may never see it unless I self-publish it before my death. I am now inspired to do so. I will not plagiarize, I have too many memories and things to say to steal another’s life. I do regret that I have a habit of putting things off and may not get a-round-tuit. Perhaps someone who knows me will say a few kind words. I will hear them!
We all have lived our own lives our own way — and yes, we all deserve our own words, don’t we?
Barbara,
The original obituary was written by my mother, and yes. What you described is exactly what has been happening, with folks changing the dates and names and leaving in the other details. From the opening paragraph, to saying that their greatest treasures call them Nana to saying that no buildings were built in their honor to the final line about being happy and dancing, probably naked. All of these words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs were written by my mother the day she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Some people take only a few paragraphs, while others have taken it in its entirety.
We couldn’t agree more that everyone has their own story, and applaud you for saying that you’re now inspired to write your own. That’s exactly as my mother intended…to be an inspiration to others (which is how she lived her life as an elementary school teacher).
Many thanks for reading and commenting!
Thank you so much for the Reply! I am sorry that some people perhaps do not know how to write their own stories but I am glad that your Mother did write such a beautiful and inspiring obituary that has touched so many.
When I read this blog post, I couldn’t help but think about the obituary for Dorothy Gibson Cully, which created quite a stir when it was published in 2005.
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2005-07-18/features/0507180181_1_notice-death-loving-care
I like the last line in particular…
I am not surprised by the taking of this obituary. The act of reposting, retweeting without attribution or in many cases, verification of authenticity, is so prevalent in today’s society that I have little faith the trend will turn. I blame part of this behavior on ignorance of the law but perhaps more on the assumption that anything on the Internet is free for the taking. While the Internet has made information easily accessible, it has done so without the requisite education about fair use and copyright. And even if there was education, people have to care enough to behave appropriately. I can excuse the obituary stealers for not knowing the law but not for their rude and insensitive manners.
I understand the community’s concern with respecting copyrights and the desire to be acknowledged for words well penned. I also recognize that shared thoughts, ideas and words within a community becomes the essence of that community’s culture.
It may be worth remembering that copyright was originally intended to protect financial benefits of an individual work and by naming everything posted on the Web as a published copyright we may be discouraging the evolution of our culture. Which, in this day and age of “mine” and hyper-ventilation over plagiarism is an important concern for our sense of belonging to a people, a culture, a hometown, etc.
We may retain our individual rights to our words but what do we risk losing for that and where do we want to draw the line in the sand between the values of rights and the values of belonging to and enriching our shared culture.
Just a thought.
At a minimum, the line should be drawn over taking without giving credit. As genealogists we always always always cite our sources. As users of information for any reason we can do no less (and may be legally required to do more).